| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2005|12:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
If one thing could be different about your life, what would it be?
Right now, I'd say I wish the cafeteria didn't run out of cookies...
I realized today that... I can't really keep up with this journal anymore. It's given me too harsh memories. And the whole point of a New Life is to move beyond those... I have my family, and I have my life. I'm happy with that.
SQUIRE is going nicely though... I think it won't be long all before we have the means to fight CHEMIST on their own terms. |
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| Answering mail |
[May. 22nd, 2005|04:43 pm] |
Cheers, Kate!
There's so much I could ask you, it's truly unreal. ^^;;
I'm tempted to do a Yoda impersonation, but I'll pass.
As you mentioned on LJ, I too, am one of those people whom feels that
they should have been female all along, in the physical sense. On a
somewhat related note, there's another point I wish to bring up.
Anyway, I'm not sure how such works for ovalisks, but for humans, it
is said that when they are initially formed in the womb, they are
female by default. This interests me, as most ovalisks, that I know
of, are female.
I don't know. I think it's NEAT that Humans have an almost perfect balance of boys and girls. But ultimately you're right, males are a genetic variation on the purest form of an animal. You know, if animals didn't evolve males, I don't think they would have come as far as they have. We Ovalisks see males for what they are -- a precious and rare gift from nature to us to help us enrichen our own numbers.
They almost never come out of eggs, either. A male is usually born when a female respectfully brings herself to the Tiresians and proves that her growth of self demands a boy's form.
Also, what exactly is the typical lifespan of an
ovalisk?
This is actually not known. We don't measure the years of our life, we see it as morbid. We live as long as we need to. We don't show as many outward signs of aging as Humans do, either. Seeing an elder Ovalisk is kind of neat, actually, because they DO look kind of like elderly Humans until they shed their skin for the year.
And, on a lighter note, I'm a music enthusiast, and I remember you
mentioning a band called Metal Sky. Judging by the name alone, it seem
similar to many human bands of whom I have much affection for, as
you've probably seen from my journal. ^_^
^^; I'm not realy an enthusiast of Lirah's music. Just Lirah! She's so huggable!
Even though our paths have not crossed in respect to seeing one
another in person, I feel a strange connection to you. Of course, this
axiom applies to many others. <3
I feel a connection with everyone too. I've always said strangers are people you haven't met yet. Hate doesn't really exist -- people either love you or they hate an image they think is you.
All my love, and the absolute best to you in all that you do. And, may
yourself and all your comrades return safely from every raid.
If there is anything you need, or would like to ask me, feel free to
drop me a line at any time. ^_^
Awwwwww! I want to hug you so badly now! It'd be easy to do, wouldn't it? If only. I hope you never are in want of the experience of a gentle body against your own. Speaking of which, I heard Humans feel warm to the touch. I never noticed because of the Raids I was in had me full of adrenaline, but every Ovalisk I've touched tends to be around room temperature because our blood doesn't have natural heat ^^;;
Hehe, I don't normally answer questions directly written to me, but this time I couldn't help myself. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2005|04:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
No, I'm not sick like I thought I might be.
I have lots to talk about. For one thing, while SQUIRE may be a small group now, I intend it to someday be CHEMIST's match. I had finished document that named three leaders in our group. The Three Shields of SQUIRE.
Lirah Dragon, who (with her band, Metal Sky) works to help prepare an invasion on Seattle (before CHEMIST sends forces there). She is gathering recruits from California as well.
Lemina Down, who offered to be my ambassador to Humanity. She said angels are a gentle image in the minds of Humans, and the fact her touch carries no hormone means that she can counsel Humans without fear.
And myself... the Snow Queen. Isn't that a pretty name? Snow Queen. And I'm decorating my makeshift office with lots of snow and winter symbolism, even ordering some of the paintings that I used when I was Final Icepick. I noticed I never really talked about what kind of world I live in right now. For one thing, all of Humanity is under invisible Martial Law. It was actually always like this, but Ovalisks have helped pierce the illusion somewhat. Every world military has more or less frozen their assets and places. What can you do against an enemy who adds to their number if they get in contact with your own? Only CHEMIST had technology to fight Ovalisks. So CHEMIST is pretty much the first and last line of non-token defense worldwide. Every nation Humanity has ever founded now lies in bed, so to speak, dying of something similar to cancer -- Colonies springing up all over their valleys.
*giggles* A Hatchling wants me to play a game with her. Hide and go seek. Why not? Games are fun. Talk to you all soon! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 21st, 2005|05:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
Where was I the last three days? That's easy. I was spending the last three days with Lirah, with her concert in the middle. I don't know about Lirah's music -- it's really loud and made my ears hurt. I wore my fluffy earmuffs throughout it. Metal Sky's tour and the first outing for SQUIRE went hand in hand -- the May Evolution had really changed how we dealt with Humans. They seemed a lot less resistant if they knew it was painless. SQUIRE had exploded overnight -- were taking all kinds of calls from people. We've become a sort of trend or mode of thought with young people now. It was exciting to read, but even prior to the May Evolution our presence on Earth had caused suicide rates to drop sharply. So even if people die during Raids for some reason, we make up for the blood in people saved.
Abigail has been spending a lot of time with little Tasha. Tasha is the name of Molly and Patrick's child -- she's still a Hatchling and probably will be for at least a year. You see, it's theorized right now that Ovalisks grow based on knowledge. Most Hatchlings are converted Humans and at least have some knowledge to start with, so they grow fast. We die when were meant to, but don't really age per se. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2005|02:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  satisfied | ] |
Abigail is interesting... her memories are surprisingly pristine in condition. She doesn't remember her name, but she remember what circumstances brought her to Rembrandt. She said I was her mother who wanted her daughter to live with her. Whenever I hold her, I mentally pray for Giselle to give me strength in fulfilling what role is rightfully her's. It's weird, but sometimes at night I can feel like Giselle is watching me from the afterlife and is overjoyed how much love I'm spreading to friends and family alike. It's weird... suddenly pining for a person you didn't even remember existed only months ago. But that was the cross Mr. Picker bore -- I loved my wife more than I loved Heaven and Earth.
Me and Cherry went fishing the other day. Now, fishing is a very different process for Ovalisks than it is for Humans. We don't use hooks. Hooks cause a lot of pain to fish. If you didn't know, or your scientists don't agree, then you need to know now -- it's painful. We know because we studied fish and because... well, I'll explain in a moment.. We use small lures that shine, and when a fish bites it, the lure sends out a signal to the fish's brain that keeps it's mouth locked on it. Why do we fish, if were not going to eat them? I mean, fish meat is delicious, especially when it's synthesized and no fish actually got hurt. Because we want to find a mermaid.
Sounds silly? It's not. Non-Human animals aren't typically affected by Ovalisk hormone, but on some occasions Human influence on their animal's mind and body will result in an Ovalisk being born from the animal. This mostly happens in domestic pets -- my own adoptive Ovalisk Mom was a pet dog, remember. They keep a degree of their animal traits. Well, in Australia they caught a fish that reacted to Ovalisk hormone and became a mermaid. Mesia, as she is called, lives a wonderful and enchanted life. It's now a pasttime in the Colonies to fish in case another mermaid is found.
Anyways, I'm signing off. Someone seems to have accidentally set a fire in the east wing again. How many times do we have to tell Hatchlings not to speed past candle sticks... |
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| Back |
[May. 16th, 2005|11:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
I'm finally back from my break. I'm sorry everyone had to be left in the dark. Things just got really weird quickly. When Abigail was born, Cherry began to violently remember part of her Old Life. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of pain and sorrow when Cherry began going on and on to me about how afraid she was of her uncle. She doesn't recognize me, which is something that makes me happy. When she began crying about how much she was afraid to face him now that she wasn't Human anymore, I could do nothing but hold her. I wanted to tell her that I was, in fact, the one she was afraid of facing. But no... I didn't want to change the relationship I had with my little sister just yet. Maybe it's a bit selfish of me to leave her worried like that... but the thing is, I don't feel I am Isaac Picker. I am Kate Icing. I felt like I was rough, rocky gold ore that was smelted into a pristine and beautiful bar of solid gold. I am Isaac Picker if he let himself feel his real emotions and love people without holding back.
I'm going to talk about Abigail and my latest project tommorow. Metal Sky is making its stop here on Thursday. I don't know about Lirah's music, but I'll be glad to see her in particular.
My project? I'm using what knowledge I had learned as Final Icepick to help form another group of Ovalisks who are meant to not only match CHEMIST's superior scouting, but to actually entice Humans to join our forces willingly instead of forcing them to wait until were at their doorstep. It's called Scouts Questing Under Intense Resistance for Enlistees. I'm excited -- by being a part of SQUIRE I'll be able to get new Sisters even outside of formal raids.
Talk to you all soon! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2005|01:52 pm] |
Abigail has been a bit of a handful the last day or so. Until further notice, I'm on hiatus. I also have to do a Raid today, and I'm going to be too pooped to write.
I'm still here for you all! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2005|12:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
I was walking little Abigail around yesterday. I heard yesterday was a celebration for some cultures of Humans regarding mothers. I faintly remember being a young Human who worked jobs in early Spring to buy my mother an amethyst. Molly's egg also hatched yesterday morning. Abigail and Tasha made friends almost immediately. I actually anticipate the day that Abigail remembers her Old Life and we can truly be together, but I also sort of hope she doesn't remember it for a while. I found my Old Life memories at lightning pace for our kind. Many of us die without ever knowing.
I found out part of why Humans fear their inevitable rebirth. It made me sad thinking about it. It's not because of how different we are. It's not even because they don't believe our society can work. No, it's for the most stupid reason ever. Physical sex. Gender. I even found out that some of the people who follow my journal are people who are sad because they don't have the "right" sex. I couldn't believe what I was reading -- I never really thought too hard on it, but is true almost all Ovalisks are female unless they're in a mating season or have special needs. But so what? Of all things that changed between my Old Life and my New Life, "becoming" a girl was one of the smallest. Most of the same stuff happens. I only quoted "becoming" because I think the fact I'm a girl and my name is Kate has to do with when Isaac Picker's heart was cleaned. So after the cleaning and rebirthing process, most Humans are female. So what? What does that change? You still cry at movies. You still laugh when someone makes you smile. You still enjoy games and swimming and feeling the wind in your hair. All that matters is what's in your heart... And even then, there are those who go back to being boys after they get their Old Lives back, so what's the big deal?
Not to say I won't REALLY enjoy administering Ovalisk hormone on said people. They're already girls anyway, but it'll be cute watching them squirm and react to a gift "given" to their bodies that they always had all along.
Hnn. I felt really strange while I was writing that. Actually, I've been a bit odd these days. Wonder what's going on? Ah well. Candy time! I'm gonna tackle Cherry! Toodles! |
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| The May Evolution |
[May. 8th, 2005|09:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
I wanted to post last night, but the festivities were so enrapturing I couldn't sit still long enough to do so. There was so much there today! There was food, candy, and the best surprise of all: I got news that Metal Sky is going to be here in a few days on their tour. I'm going to see Lirah! My daughter looked a bit sad she wasn't in on everything. She mentioned that she had a bit of a wrong idea of Ovalisks. She thought just because were so focused on adopting humanity, we were like mindless monsters. I guess I can kinda understand... we act and think so different from Humans, I guess I could see why she'd think that. The May Evolution took place last evening. We all gathered on these large pillows, and gave all of our focus on the Aeons. The Aeternalae. I could almost feel their presence... in my heart was a being even greater than we Ovalisks. The girl in my mind reach out towards me, her hand with a white glow about it. The glow engulfed me, and I felt warmth all over. When I woke up, I knew it was over. Me and my sisters had gone through bodily changes -- our hormone was now painless. And I had a feeling it was more than just our own Colony -- that Ovalisks across reality itself felt the May Evolution.
That night, Abigail would be born. Kate asked me if she'd remember who she was. Her old name. Her old childhood. Her old... everything. I told her the truth -- in all likelihood she'd lose her memories, but the feelings associated would be forever. She'd still love me when she woke up, even if she didn't remember who I was to her. Through her suit, she gave me one final hug as my daughter. Then she climbed out of the suit and lied down on my bed and let herself relax. Me and Cherry snuggled up to her, and I could feel my new May Hormone exerting itself. It even felt different, having a bit of a cool feeling on my skin instead of the slight (not painful) burning I usually felt. Kate told me the other day it was really strange to go to bed with another girl, especially family. It seems Humans never do that. They never sleep cuddled up next to each other unless the other person is their designated "mate" and it sometimes follows a sexual ritual (oog, how weird). That made me sad... there is few things better than sleeping cuddled up to a loved one. It was one more reason to pity Humanity from where I was sitting.
When we woke up this morning... sure enough, there was a Hatchling before us. Her name would be Abigail, as Kate had requested. When Abigail opened her eyes, she asked me who she was and where she was. I told her that I was her mother. It was out of my mouth before I knew what was happening, but somehow I felt that the soul inside Abigail's body waws meant to be my child -- no matter what forms we are in. I wasn't part of the parental program, but regardless, I named her my daughter. Abigail Icing. Abigail, being a Hatchling, immediately clung to me tightly. As I held her, I knew that someday she'd know who Kate Picker was. She'd know who I was too. Our law (and even our natural instincts) forbids us from telling people of their Old Lives before they find out themselves or ask about it -- not punishable, mind you, we don't need punishments to enforce our laws. Just knowing we could wind up hurting someone just like us is usually enough. And her Old Life was her's to find. But I finally get my second chance to start over -- to be a good parent. And this time, I'd be living my life for her.
Lemina was right. I did feel a bit older having came away from being captured. I found myself signing up for the Raid this Tuesday. For once, I didn't feel afraid. I wasn't unsure. I felt grown up somehow, like I'm mature enough to enjoy a Raid as it was meant to be. There were still Humans to take care of. Humans to hug and sing to and... plenty of fun stuff to do still! This Raid is going to be on a "lower income" small town. We learned the hard way to stay away from Kent and its surrounding areas -- CHEMIST is concentrated in the "high income" areas. They won't lift a finger to "save" this town from its eventual rebirth.
YAY! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2005|02:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
Kate is still going by "Kate" for now. She gets pretty uncomfortable wearing that suit all the time, so she spends a lot of time in the impromptu room we made for her. Lemina spends a lot of time with her -- possibly talking about me, but Lemina and the Vipers are the only ones she can touch right now. The room is locked usually, but a Viper named Emily is posted on guard there anyway. Oh yeah! Guess what? Zoe banners are out today. I was surprised to see them -- actually, I didn't even find out they were called Zoe banners until I asked Mom. They're made of very durable thread and sometimes only are seen once in a lifetime. We display them whenever a major, lifechanging event is going on. We plan to hang out Zoe banners once Humanity has been fully adopted. The Zoe banners depict the first Ovalisk to ever live -- her name is supposedly Zoe -- gesturing to and pointing out an apple tree to a naked Human woman who is in turn holding hands with a naked Human man.
Today is a day that is going to go down in the history of our entire species. For as long as Ovalisks exist in any universe across time and space, we will know this day as the May Evolution. I'm witnessing the birth of a holiday. The May Evolution is going to be incredible. This evening, every Ovalisk in existence is going to come together in a position kind of like prayer and wait as our entire race evolves a new trait. I asked Katrina about it during my morning training, and she said that the May Evolution is going to make Ovalisk hormone painless. Normally Humans who aren't willingly brought into our fold go through physical agony in their rebirth. I remember mine -- it more than hurt, it was like being burned alive in some ways, though it only lasted a second. After today, that'll never be again, every one of our rebirths will be as gentle as our souls. That's what Kate was waiting for. Ironically, it was collaborating with CHEMIST itself (they shared with us every bit of biological data they took with their superior medical machines and stuff) that the Tiresians worldwide managed to find the means to create this evolution.
Cherry and I are going to try a recipe that I took from Isaac Picker's old files. It's a family recipe for a cake that tastes like how cherry blossoms smell, with pink icing. Looking at her now, I still remember who I used to be to her... and who she used to be to me. And you know what? I realized it never mattered. We'll always love each other, past present and future. We are family. It's sad that Giselle couldn't see this -- she told me one day I'd become the gentle person outside that I was inside. It's sad that while my family is together again, I can't be with her. But I know now, more than ever, no matter how much change there is in the world, the good things are here forever. And it shouldn't take becoming an Ovalisk to realize that.
I hope the Evolution is fun! I'll talk to you all later! |
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| Freedom |
[May. 6th, 2005|08:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy beyond definition | ] |
This may be the happiest day of my life.
I'm writing this from my room in Rembrandt!
Today was a special day. I was woken up this morning very very early. 3:30 AM. Ovalisks don't sleep much, so it didn't bother me, but I was surprised all the same. Two men in haz-mat suits wrapped me in that binding material again, and who should enter the room but Spike Returner and Kate Picker. I asked what was going on, and Spike said to keep it down. They were going to take me home. I could barely contain my joy as the car ride towards the border began. Kate still wasn't talking to me, but I heard some sounds from her in the front seat. The trip was long, and none of the three of us talked. Eventually we came upon the yellow signs with a snake on them that Humans had put up to show we were within colony borders. Spike got out of the car and opened the backdoor, letting me out. Kate got out of the car as well. She was wearing one of those haz-mat suits.
Spike looked at me hard. I knew what this was about. He was returning what I did for him. In my Old Life I got him out of prison so he could train for CHEMIST. His heart deserved a second chance. But he wasn't smiling. He looked angry. He said goodbye, got in his car and slammed the door. He floored the gas and was gone before I could even realize Kate was still with me. I gasped at her. What was going on? Before I could have my answer, through her suit she pulled me into a tight hug. Words cannot describe the feeling I was going through right then. I live a pretty happy life and my days in Rembrandt were always joyful ones, but this was ecstasy beyond even that. I asked her what was going on, but I already knew. She had broken up with Spike -- she couldn't be with a man who could potentially hurt her family. Who hated what both her father and her brother-like cousin were. I could understand that, but I felt bad she was stranded out in the middle of nowhere... and she said she wasn't. She was going to Rembrandt with me on the condition she can stay Human for the next day or two -- long enough for the May Evolution to take place. I wasn't completely sure what that meant, but I was happy to agree.
She then said I could have the name "Kate". I had given her life, I had given her the name, the least she could do is give it back. She wanted to start over with me as much as I did her. She was so angry and confused yesterday because she was still weighing whether she wanted to be with Spike and work to "liberate" me and Cherry and others, or whether to be with us directly... even if it meant losing her Humanity. As we began the long walk towards the actual colony premises. I finally got to tell her about what I remembered. I apologized for everything I had wronged her with. I told her how much I loved her, and how much I held it back. I got to say things Isaac Picker never got to say. This made her feel immensely better about her decision. She knew I was still me inside... just not _ME_ anymore. I was Kate Icing. I was an Ovalisk. And I giggled for what felt like the first time in days.
Poor, high-strung Marko almost fell out of his seat, and he spilled his drink all over his desk when he saw us. He dropped his "I'm way too collected and smart" facade to ask how I was, how I got out, and so many other things. He burst from the booth and gave me a very tight hug. He asked me who I was with, too. She said that her name was "Abigail". I told Marko she was to remain Human until the May Evolution... whatever that was. Marko understood immediately and nodded and opened the gates. There was much crying and cheering as I walked through the hallways, and I nearly tripped when the sight of feathers blocked my vision. Lemina had grabbed me and held me very tightly, her wings joining the hug. I looked at her in the eyes, and I saw they were full of tears. She said that I looked older somehow... but I was still beautiful and cute. Abigail, as she went by now, said that she had never felt such "vibes" before. As we passed the arboretum on our way to my living quarters, I realized she was the first Human who had made it this far into the Colony. Now, mind you, it's not that we wouldn't welcome Humans to visit. I'd love to have any of you readers here! I'd give you a BIG hug! It's just that by the time you'd get to this point you'd already be an adorable Hatchling.
When my door opened, Cherry and Mom were both waiting for me. I suppose could tell what happened. Cherry and I snuggled, and she in turn began snuggling Abigail. THe family was together again. And for the first and possibly last time, my home was going to have a Human living in it. My only regret -- my ONLY regret -- is that I didn't get to celebrate with Melody like I said I would. I hoped she had a Human friend she could do so with in my stead. I myself was going to be with my family. A family reunited.
I sent the Tiresians a memo -- the Three Blades were down to two. Final Icepick had been defeated, so to speak. I giggled so hard as I wrote that, because I was Icepick. Or Icing, as it were. As I put the memo in their mailbox, I began fantasizing about using whatever I learned as one of the Three Blades to work against the very organization I had helped propagate.
For now? Time to play some video games with Abigail and Cherry. We have family time years overdue to take care of. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2005|02:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | determined | ] |
This is really getting old. People staring at me through fiberglass, their faces full of fear. Old women who glare at me as they pass. I'm a part of a zoo. See the snake girl! Don't lean over the pit, she'll eat you alive. That would make me smile or laugh, but it's like those emotions are being sapped from me. I look in the mirror and I see behind my own eyes the same gaunt feeling of meaninglessness that I see in Humans. Is it from my Old Life? Or is being seperated from my culture doing it? Melody seems OK, so i'm guessing the former is true. It's weird seeing a passing face that looks familiar somehow -- you're just about to remember their name -- but you can't recognize it because of the fear in their eyes, and they walk away before you can call out to them.
I decided enough was enough. I locked myself in my room and sat on my bed and I resolved not to budge until I've made peace with Isaac Picker. I pulled up the internet -- the Human internet -- and researched what I could on CHEMIST and my role in its creation. One thing was true: my great grandfather had founded CHEMIST, but didn't have the Picker name yet. It started as a squad of five British soldiers and their commanding officer who, in their spare time, had begun designs to minimize the damage German mustard gas had caused. For both his valor in combat and for the lives saved from his innovations, he was discharged with honors. He changed his name to Picker to sound more anonymous and our family became commoners. According to what my own father told me, CHEMIST was still under his control. The real leader was a puppet. The group persisted, but wasn't phenomenally big. When my family became wealthy in my Grandfather's generation, CHEMIST was like an eccentric noble's pet project. A game he played from his cushy mansion in Kent.
Eveything changed with Final Icepick. No... me. He isn't a seperate person, I need to acknowledge that. Well... I'm the one who played out CHEMIST to the United Nations after the USA went into high terror alerts. I smelled money -- that's what it was all about. As terrifying as my name sounded -- Final Icepick -- the only battles I waged were transporting large files of forms and papers to and from the copy shop. I spent day in and day out in the office working with accounting firms and lawyers and so on. CHEMIST's new age would finally be the thing that would get me accepted by the "old blood" nobles who looked down on my "new money". That was all that mattered to me. Every other important happening in my life was a sideshow or subplot. Marrying Giselle. Our honeymoon. Kate's birth. Giselle's death. Remembering each memory vividly caused me to sob. Ironically I don't think I even cried so hard for Giselle when she DID die, my feelings were so stagnant as one of the Humans. But I wasn't a bad person... I did risk my project when I took in my nephew, Daniel. Actually, I had planned on pretty much having Daniel properly educated and become the successor to my money and to CHEMIST. Yes, over Kate. You don't understand: it was the only way I'd ever be accepted among my "old money" peers. They would never approve of a female successor.
Deep down, I think what I was really searching for was love and companionship. I mean, Giselle loved me... and I'm still crying over her now. Holding her hand in that hospital room, the muscles in her wrist suddenly tightening, and her death rattle. It was insulin shock... she had an extreme form of diabetes. I loved her so much, and when she was gone, I didn't have anyone in the world who still understood me. If only I had the wisdom then that I do now... What Mom and the others did for me I'll never forget. Every day when I get up and pretty myself up, I'm going to remember Giselle and live for her as well. She would have loved nurturing Hatchlings like I do. My selfish Old Life is over.
Kate still isn't talking to me. I don't blame her, but it hurts to see her like this. It's not because I feel bad she thinks I'm like a cruel mockery of her father, but because there are so many feelings I never shared with her as a Human that I really want to now. I want her to know how much I loved her. Becoming an Ovalisk didn't make it so, and nor did it take it away. It was always there. I'm going to be patient, though.
And I am DARN WELL getting out of this bloody hole. My mind made CHEMIST the monster it is today, and I had an idea how to use that mind to even the scales. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 4th, 2005|12:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  much better | ] |
I'm feeling a lot better now. No, I'm very happy. Melody is good company, and we spent over an hour in close contact. After many hugs, nuzzles on the shoulder, and watching movies together, I was brought back to life. I'm still in this facility, and I'm still not home... but at least I have one of my Sisters to be with. I still feel bad about how Kate feels. She'll understand one day... one day I'll touch her and bring her into my Colony.
Melody's name is funny because she's incredibly quiet and tends to talk in whispers. She's also nowhere near the hyper energy I'm used to back at Rembrandt. She comes from Chaucer Colony, which aparently puts emphasis on listening to others and talking only when it wouldn't be unwelcome. They're typically a lot more subdued. I always wanted to visit Chaucer Colony -- their poems are very beautiful. Though she isn't hyper all of the time, I can feel an underlying energy to her that gives her a lot of life in a way that isn't explicit. I asked her how she got captured, and whether the experiments were painful. I felt awful she lost part of who she was, until she told me her story
She professed that she wasn't, in fact, a prisoner. She's actually the result of a treaty between the United Colonies of Europe and CHEMIST. She's really happy -- because of her, Ovalisk laboratories are for the first (and probably last) time working together with CHEMIST labs. The UCE offered CHEMIST one of their own to study, provided they feed back every result they make. CHEMIST was surprised by the offer and took it immediately. I'm no tactical expert (that's Amy and a cute boy who comments on this journal sometimes) but that didn't sound like the UCE got anything out of it. They did though... the UCE wanted CHEMIST to help them find a way to engineer Ovalisk Hormone that was completely painless. Sure, CHEMIST had a way of disarming Ovalisks now... but in return, no Hatchling will be born of agony again like I was.
It made my heart leap to find out that the UCE got what they wanted. They found a way to refocus our hormone in a way that eliminates any pain we cause. The paid has something to do with snake venom that the hormone probably evolved from. They discovered this about a day after I was captured, no less. This made me so unbelievably excited! Doubly so because a ceremony on Saturday will be a prayer that all Ovalisk Colonies across existence itself will learn the formula. My heart sank a bit... I'm almost certainly going to still be here in this facility. Melody smiled quietly and said she'd help me put together a Candlelight Shrine so we can have it even though were far from home. How beautiful is that? I cuddled her some more, and my heart finally felt at ease again. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 4th, 2005|01:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
I can't seem to sleep. The dreams... they come too fast. Too hard. Every time I shut my eyes I can see myself again in that stuffy suit and with a mind clouded by stifled feelings. If it wasn't for Melody right now, I would't be able to sleep at all. I feel sick inside. I need to get home. I need to snuggle the others. I need to be with the Hatchlings. I do remember all of the fear I felt prior to the days I became an Ovalisk, but I know it's who I'm meant to be. It's my ideal self... I just couldn't realize it through the haze I was living in.
Melody is interesting. She's an Ovalisk they've performed limited experiments on. They've gotten her hormone to stop having a transformative effect -- like how it goes impotent with a Viper or Nin transformation -- and she's more or less able to touch people without doing anything to them. They still don't allow her to touch most people though, to be safe. This left me really worried. I had no doubts that if I don't find a way out, they're going to perform experiments on me as well. I don't want them to. I don't want to be hurt.
Kate herself came to see me. She called me "father". That made me feel happy deep down -- someone loved me in such a way. She asked me if I remembered her High School graduation. It was strange reaching for them, but I could. I told her the truth -- these memories weren't exactly welcome. I am not Isaac Picker anymore, and I'm certainly not Final Icepick. She then broke out into tears and started yelling at me. She accused me of killing her father. I didn't know what to say... I just sat there and cried. What else could I do? I told her I was sorry. I loved her. I loved her so much. She looked at me with her eyes which were red and asked whether I meant that or if it was just my Ovalisk brainwashing talking. How could I not mean it, though? How could love be faked? It's impossible. I'm not brainwashed. If anything, being a Human is a brainwashing experience. I told her that while I would love her if she were a complete stranger, I did indeed love her in a special way that was unreserved. She was my daughter.
She then showed anger at my taking away her name. But what could I say? Kate was the name that was burned in my mind when I was touched. I can still remember it -- the hand coming in contact with my face. The burning pain that swept my body, and the needle that jammed through my eyes and into my brain. The sensation of my mind and body being thrown through a whirlwind and passing out five times in row in the space of two seconds. She was on my mind the whole time. That's why I was Kate, too. She left without another word.
I'll talk about Melody when I have the energy. For the first time since my rebirth, I'm feeling slightly lethargic. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 3rd, 2005|09:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
I *almost* had lunch with the Three Blades. Cyrus Something was already there when I was lead to the room. Kate was with me. There was one thing that bugged me -- if Isaac Picker was why CHEMIST was present that one day, and I'm him, then how could I have hired their presence? Kate said it'd be explained soon. I look at her, and her eyes seemed sad the first time... but she seems happier now for some reason. I looked at her long and hard and asked if she still loved me even though I wasn't her father.
She said she did. She loved who I was... what I was -- irrelevant. She was angry when I costed her Cherry, but otherwise... I look deep in those eyes and I see that this girl really is my child. Yet I don't feel like a father. I feel like I do around any Hatchling. I told her that I love her. This can't change either. I also told her that I'd not rest until she and every Human around me was in a proper Colony. They needed help more than I did.
Cyrus was an interesting guy. He had bright red hair and a beard, and he was wearing a plastic horned helmet. He laughed as he took it off, saying he wore it to amuse the men -- he supposedly had viking blood in him. He also mentioned something fascinating -- the entire music world was holding its breath for me. Lirah had sent CHEMIST an angry letter demanding my release, and Metal Sky was freezing its tour until I was. The other Ovalisk rock groups followed suit. And because that whole culture loves protests and petitions, a huge portion of the Human rock groups did as well. The place we sat down was what appeared to be three tables facing each other, with a menu laying neatly next to the plate -- my table, needless to say, was kept behind a tightly meshed cage with a locked door. Cyrus, Kate, and I were sitting at three seperate ones. Kate apparently was invited by her boyfriend to sit in with them. Spike came in and sat next to Kate, and they kissed each other lightly. I wondered where Final Icepick was going to sit... and whether I'd get to see his face.
Then they came in. Soldiers, all lined up and standing at attention. It was Final Icepick's Vanguard. I held my breath... then Cyrus raised his glass in a toast. I followed suit, still feeling highly nervous. Spike said we had interesting stories to tell, and that if it weren't for Icepick, he'd still be on the streets stealing from honest people. His real name was, in fact, Spike -- but his return he named as "Returner" for his rehab. Cyrus said his last name of "Something" came from how he had run away from a wealthy-but-abusive British noble family, and his last name was dropped so they'd not track him. Icepick had helped him do that. Kate then cleared her throat and spoke up.
The Picker family had gone on until her. The Picker family had rose up from poverty to wealth over many generations by saving money and only having one child by tradition. The last four generations of Isaacs were all boys. She then dropped the bomb on me: since she was a girl, I was the final Isaac Picker. That was IT. The Picker family had founded CHEMIST! That's how Icepick had managed to live for over a hundred years, and had no face -- and Cherry's uncle was the final Isaac Picker. Final Icepick. I was one of the Three Blades of CHEMIST... or I was until their enemy had ambushed me and made me their own. Whatever I was still missing of my Old Life was clear. Every memory Isaac Picker still had at his Rebirth was laid bare to me. You know the feeling you get the first time you ever drive a car, on your learner's permit? That's how I felt right now. Cyrus leaned forward and asked how much I could remember. I looked at him straight and told him the truth -- all of my memories were finally back, though I needed to give each one a thought before it returned. To test it, I looked at Spike and surely enough I kind of remembered taking him in. And of course, I remembered that when the Ovalisks were in our area I had hired CHEMIST to guard my own daughter. That's why we faced them that one day. This is all why they bothered to capture just one individual. It was entirely my fault.
Cyrus then looked at me with his deep, green eyes. I found my heart skipping a beat -- he was gorgeous, and my female body knew it. He asked quite plainly if I'd allow myself to be subjected to experiments to possibly make me Human again. To be perfectly honest, I did think about his question. I had my family back at Rembandt, but I felt a deep love and care for Kate and the other two Blades as well. But no. That wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to go back to that life -- a life where I spent most of my time doing officework for CHEMIST. Like it or not, Kate Icing is who I am now. I told him if Final Icepick knew what kind of bliss awaited him in the Colony, he would have joined the Ovalisks willingly. And I told him quite plainly that my Sisters would eventually defeat CHEMIST and finish adopting Humanity -- as long as they and those around them were suffering, I wouldn't back down. Both Spike and Cyrus were taken aback. It was obvious they were certain that once I remembered who I was, I'd go back to them. I'd want to be Human again, and even as an Ovalisk I'd take my place as their leader. I told them that wasn't what I wanted. More than anything I wanted to go home -- home to a place where people don't ever fight. Home to a place where I could cuddle Hatchlings and play with my Sisters. Home where Cherry was surely waiting for me. And Lemina. Katrina. Peter. The list could only go on.
It was now I realized I had gone over 24 hours now without a hug. Without a cuddle. Without a kiss. My Ovalisk brain was crying in pain. I felt starved. I broke out crying at the table right then. Cyrus stood to his feet and looked at Final Icepick's Vanguard... and ordered them to bring someone named Melody to my sealed quarters. Cyrus always seemed to know what people needed... and what I needed more than anything right now was another Ovalisk. I can't write anymore, Melody is due here any moment now and... I need to indulge in the hugs she'll give me. I'm hurting from the lack. The only thing I regret right now is how sad Kate looked when lunch with her father would be called off. I can't wait until I go home to Rembrandt.
I can't wait. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2005|05:23 pm] |
Memories are an interesting thing. They dissapear. They reappear. They sometimes make themselves up and may or may not exist. Humans hve always written history because they know just how faulty their own memories are. I've been looking through everything that belongs to Isaac Picker. Each object resurfaces part of my Old Life as Isaac (actually, his full name is Isaac Picker the IVth -- his father, grandfather, and great grandfather shared the name Isaac). My memories are almost entirely back, thanks to all the books that Kate and Spike had delivered. I have an attendant named Stephen, who I hope to be friends with. He's obviously afraid of me, but what can we do?
I asked Spike why I was captured. He said it was because they wanted to experiment on me and see if they couldn't find a way to turn me back into a Human, even if they're certain they can't make me male again. I didn't smile -- I told him straight to his face. I don't WANT to be Human again. And I meant it. I said it not only as Kate Icing, the girl from Rembrandt but now Isaac Picker's voice is there too. They don't know what to make of me, because while their theory that I'd remember a lot of who I was when they began experiments was correct, I'm defying their hope that I'd go along with them. But no matter what, they can't change that my first three weeks with Rembrant colony have been more happy than thirty years of Isaac Picker's life. I don't care even if I'm a girl now, that's unimportant -- what's important is I resume my misison to help people like I was, give them lots of hugs and giggles and so on.... Is that so wrong? I suffered. People suffer.
I don't want any of you to worry about me. I'm going to be OK. It's only a matter of time before things get back to normal and I can go home. Home to Rembrandt Colony, where my little sister -- and apparently niece -- is waiting for me. Yes, despite everything I remember, I still want to be a part of an Ovalisk Colony. I even remember the terror in my heart when the pretty young girls were reaching for me. Overall, my life as an Ovalisk was simpler, happier, and richer. I had more time to grow as a person. I had less worries on my mind all the time -- in fact, I didn't have an internal voice at all, all of my thoughts were surface. Most of all, I didn't hold back the love for loved ones and I didn't hold back my need to be kind to even the most distant of strangers. If I were ever Human again, I'd try to be exactly like I was when I joined Rembrandt -- live life slowly, intentionally, and with a constant state of peace and bubbling curiousity. I don't think the Human mind is incapable of at least emulating an Ovalisk's -- won't be perfect, since your biology is against you rather than for you -- but it's possible. Even if we fail to assimilate Humanity into our own selves, we hope to at least remind them of how to live.
The Three Blades are going to visit me personally tommorow at lunchtime. I'm kind of afraid, but I'm also not. You'd think I'd be terrified, but these CHEMIST people are incredibly kind and gentle -- the Three Blades I heard were especially so. Stephen said it was because despite being a mercenary army, CHEMIST's primary goal was rescuing entire populations from nuclear or chemical disaster. They were formed in the late-mid 2000's by petition from the United States for United Nations (UN) to form an anti-terrorist organization that would be armed with immunity from even the worst weapons of mass destruction. They had no nationality because CHEMIST was ideally an equal opportunity group for any country with the money. They're the only ones in the world with the power to fight the Ovalisks on any front, and they're still being used to guard rich people. They were defensively designed from the start.
I was asked to get some sleep now, but I'm not sure I can right now. |
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| Captured |
[May. 2nd, 2005|11:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
I can't believe what just happened. My heart is crushed. I'm worried like I've never been worried before. I'm really scared and upset.
I'm posting this from a CHEMIST internment facility. They're really nice people -- they were very kind to me, and it's not like I'm in a cell, but I'm still their prisoner. They did let me have some access to the internet so I could share this. I feel like I don't know if I'll ever see my colony or my family ever again.
What just happened? It was "Abigail". I fell into a trap.
Just as I promised I would, I showed up at the parking garage where I was to meet Abigail and her father. Except it seemed no one was there... no one but me, and a girl who I realized looked just like me. Just like me and Cherry. "Abigail" was, in fact, Kate Picker. I was in utter shock. But I didn't lose control... I just asked her where her father was, and readying myself to both touch him and her. She said "He is here". I said I wanted to help him. She said "You will at that". Then she blew a whistle and a lot of the seemingly empty cars opened and I was surrounded by guns pointed at my head. A guy in a haz-mat suit proceeded to bind me in a strange fabric-like material that kind of tickled. I looked like I was rolled in a carpet with only my head and feet sticking out. I was then taken into a police car, in the backseat. Surprisingly, the person driving the car was Spike Returner himself along with Kate. I know my first impression of him wasn't the best. He was scary with his gothic symbols, shaved head, and piercings all over. However, he looked at me with really gentle eyes. I could swear he gave me a small hint of a smile. I didn't feel at all hated, which was good, bcause I didn't hate anyone.
Kate and I talked on the way to the facility.
I was upset with her. I let her know I was upset for having been lied to and decieved (I wasn't really angry, as our blood doesn't heat up naturally). She said the only thing she lied about was her name. The letter did fall into my hands accidentally -- and when it was talking about how she was losing her father and he was regressing in personality and didn't remember who she was... it wasn't Alzheimers. Isaac Picker never made it to Kowloon or even to the flight he had tickets for -- his cab was ambushed by Ovalisks. Isaac had become Icing. Kate Icing. Me. The last moments of my Old Life were now crystal clear to me. I remembered the cab. I remembered my last thoughts being worry for Kate, which is why I have her name myself now. I'm crying right now like I've never cried before. Kate said that after that, she thought she lost me forever when suddenly an Ovalisk was seen transforming her cousin as well. After that, CHEMIST began tracking me. This capture was a long time in coming. Kate began responding to my crying by crying herself. Spike pulled over the car and looked at both of us. He said everything would be all right, there was little to worry about. Then he looked me right in the eyes and gave me this really strange, familiar smile that just made me feel warm inside. I felt nothing short of gratitude for Spike in that moment, and I made mental note to give him extra cuddles someday when he would become a Hatchling.
A dam had burst. Memories of my Old Life, once just a trickle... were now a flow. I remembered Cherry as she was before: Daniel. I had memories of being that stuffy person, yelling at him in impatience. I was the very reason he went to that park that day, I was the very uncle I swore to reunite her with. And I, as my true self -- An Ovalisk -- had brought him into my new family to help him escape Isaac Picker. They say Fate has a sense of humor.
I hope if Fate exists, it's going to be kind to me in the future.
I love you all. I love you all so much. Please don't worry too much about me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2005|02:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bright | ] |
I was eating toast with Cherry this morning when a strange thought came to me. If toast tastes so good, why don't they make loaves of it instead of needing to make it from bread? I like wondering about random things like that sometimes. It helps the lazy days go by. I have stuff to look forward to. First of all, my meeting with Abigail is going to be on Monday. I'll update everyone as to how that goes almost as soon as I can. I have other stuff to share now. My Old Life dreams had finally gone somewhere. I know what happened to me -- I was in the backseat of a car when the driver slammed the brakes. One of the front doors opened and two Ovalisks crawled in. I remember feeling a strong sense of terror that broke through the strange gray "haze" I had as a Human as the the driver moaned out in pain and this smiling face was reaching for me. Then the floor dropped out from under me, and I drowned in maple syrup. Hey, it was a dream, of course it got weird. I feel like I know myself more now.
I didn't tell anybody but Lirah about the meeting with Abigail in the near future. They'd force me to not go. It's too risky. But it'll be fine, I know it... Abigail is so nice. I've beens sharing my dreams with her too -- she finds the whole "Old Life" thing fascinating. She seems interested in Cherry, too, who I often talk about.
Speaking of Lirah, Metal Sky has begun its tour. It'll be a while before they get here, but I'm patient.
Well, going to go for now. Lemina said she'd show me how to knit socks today. That's going to be so much fun!
EDIT: Oh, forgot to mention. Final Icepick's Vanguard had left the area. I wonder why they were here anyway? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 29th, 2005|09:40 am] |
Sorry you've not heard from me. It's like I said, I'm putting a lot of my effort into writing to Abigail. She said she's less worried about her father now, so maybe I can focus more on this journal. This week was pretty uneventful, though. That's a good thing, because the weeks before it seeemed pretty packed didn't they? So what happened? Well, I got to go swimming and we had a small camping trip. Cherry really likes cherries, hee hee. She had a dream of her old life which involved the family she lived with. This made me check with the Shifu Colony about whether her uncle was still in Kowloon. He had a reservation, but never checked in.
I found time to write today because were in a yellow alert situation. No one is to go outside of the Colony today, and even being outdoors is a bad idea. Just as well, it's raining pretty hard out there. But apparently Final Icepick's Vanguard is in the area. We don't know why they're snooping around, but they're elite fighters and we don't want to pick a fight with them just yet. All in good time, I suppose. All in good time.
Ooh! Doorbell! The snack cakes I ordered must be here! I gotta go. Sugar awaits me. WHEEE!
P.S. Abigail says she's going to find a way we can meet next week, even through the CHEMIST lines in the Kent area. She'll bring her father too, so I'll see if I can help him. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|08:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
Today is my birthday! Hooray! Well, I don't know about that for sure. I just got a form letter from the Tiresians saying it was the birthday of my Old Life and they got me a present. Tiresians always give presents to people on their birthdays, it's just something leaders are expected to do. And get this! It was a pass to visit Miyamoto Colony in Japan! I'm so excited! Everyone I know always wanted to visit Miyamoto Colony because it's where all of our games come from. I was following the development of their newest game, Bright Mist. It's about a little Human girl named Raine who gets on a bus, and instead of it dropping her and her friends off at school, it takes them to the world of Stormia. It's a really gloomy place full of thunderstorms and people who are sad. The schoolbus leaves, stranding Raine and her friends in this very dark place. Apparently everyone in Stormia got there the same way she did. Instead of giving up, however, Raine and her friends decide on a plan to visit the weather centers of Stormia and turn the sad storm clouds into happy rainclouds that bring life and renewal -- Miyamoto Colony said it was inspired by the book "Pollyanna". But standing between them and the weather centers is an evil army of weather forecasters lead by the evil King Tai Foon. Raine has a weapon called the Rainbow Wand which can turn weather forecasters into fairies. It's going to be really fun!
Miyamoto Colony is supposedly one of the very few Colonies named after an artist who was still alive at the time of its building -- typically we name colonies after long dead artists. Supposedly he was a childlike, inventive, and cheerful Human who tried to bring that out in those around him. Naturally, that makes him worth adoring, but he made significant contributions to Humanity with his help in pioneering creative computer entertainment software. How could one help but break convention to honor such a man? It wasn't his fault that his medium was younger than him. It's kind of sad, but no one knows what happened to him. Though with games like Bright Mist in development, I think he might still be around somewhere. I think I'm going to take that pass next year though, I don't want to miss my letters with Abigail.
Speaking of her, Abigail said I helped her feel a lot better about her father. That's a great thing. She doesn't deserve to be so sad. I told her maybe when I get back, I could meet up with her and her father somehow. She said she'd make the arrangements. |
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kate_icing's journal